Nov 04 2007
Born Identity
written by vcore from Atlanta, GA
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Thinking Out Loud with CORE
We invite you to get in the CORE ExPRESS lane and feel free to write in the genre of writing that you best express yourself in, whether it is technical or creative (poetry & prose). Just ExPRESS YourSelf… make it clear so that we may hear and understand. CORE is your vehicle for connecting or reconnecting as you Journey to the Center of Who You Are.
We will begin our blogging, continuing on the topic of “Born Identity”.
Our opening questions:
Do you feel that we have an “Identity Crisis” at 30 and over?
Is sexual purity more of an issue for men than it is for women?
You may begin your blogging now. All minds being clear… Write On!
6 responses so far
Yes, I do feel that singles over thirty often have identity crisis. One reason for that is that society has dictated it’s expectations and we often try to fit into that expectation which may be accepted/viewed as the norm.
I am 47 and was widowed at the age of 36 after 14 years of marriage to a pentecostal pastor. Wow! Did I have an identity crisis after his death? Yes, But, I have learned to be CONTENT in the state I currently am. I have learned to enjoy life to it’s fullest and to keep myself occupied with things involving my children and the church!
I can actually say I am enjoying life more now than ever before! why? Because I don’t feel pressured to conform to the expectations of others. I even teach my children not to fall into stereotypical categories/behaviors as children of a single mom.
BKAllen
I think the issue of sexual purity may be about the same for men and women. I think women just don’t talk about it probably as much but still deal and struggle with keeping themselves pure just as well as men do. Especially, living in a society today where tv shows like Sex in the City, Girlfriends, and other shows attempt to promote a message to women that they can have sexual freedom by sleeping with men and have no strings attached.
Maintaining sexual purity also means keeping our eyes from viewing things we shouldn’t view such as certain movies, reading certain books, magazines, etc; keeping our minds from thinking about things we shouldn’t be thinking about, keeping our ears from hearing certain types of music or listening to inappropriate talk, etc.; keeping our emotions also in check, as well as our physical bodies. I think men and women both struggle in these areas.
I do believe that sexual purity is more of an issue for men than it is for women in the sense that generally, women are more accepting of marrying a nonvirgin and someone who has “been around” a few times than men are. Most men that I’ve dated wanted to marry me because I was in fact a virgin, but I was more willing to accept a man who was not. I took pride in maintaining sexual purity so I thought. Just as the previous comment stated, sexual purity also involves keeping your eyes from viewing shows that involve premarital sex. I think that most men want to marry a pure woman or someone who has experienced no more than 5 sex partners. Let’s face it, we live a double standard society.
The only way I view sexual purity as being more of an issue for men is that they may have a harder time maintaining it than women would.
Hi,
I think that both men and women have issues as far as staying pure sexually, as two previous bloggers mentioned, but I think that even though society has a double standard in the way women and men’s behavior are viewed and portrayed, as christians we shoudn’t have the same standard. One of the blogger said that she was more willing to be with a man that had many sexual encouters even though she would stay pure, is one apsect of the problem.
It is hard in today’s society to find people who will commit to be celibate until they marry, but it doesn’t mean that you have to lower that standard, especially as a christian. If, women would refuse to short change themselves physically just so they can be in a relationship, I think we would see a different attitude on the side of men, and this can go both ways.
God created sex, but society has perverted its purpose so bad that it will require a significant mind shift to see things change, but as God’s children, we sure have to rely on Him to live our lives and our sexuality in a godly way.
And the church has to support singles, and anybody for that matter, when it comes to our sexuality, one of the reason christians have struggled with this issue, is that the church hasn’t adress it and provided practical and spiritual ways to handle it.
Sorry to be so long, but one more thing, men who want to marry a virgin or a woman who has recomitted her life to purity, have, in my opinion double standards. How can you expect to marry someone who is pure and go ou there and sleep with anybody as you feel like it? The women the men aren’t considering for a spouse, are a potential spouse for another man and being intimate with them is robbing those women of something intended for themselves and their spouse to share and experience.
“identity crisis” not really I’m God’s child
some christians seem to be better at what they aren’t suppose to do and have very little insight into the courtship involved in a relationship. they may talk about marriage
before they even know the other person’s last name; or only after 10 minutes into their first conversation with someone and wonder why the other person avoids future conversations.
good etiquette is not to be condeming of others. most people have a brain and know what behavior is appropriate for them and what is risky.
As a virgin of 43, I can honestly tell you that sexual purity is far more an issue for women than men, for a woman’s decision to remain pure until marriage if often –inadvertently — a decision never to marry or at least never to bear a child of one’s own. We live in a society where men still do the asking, and a man can easily marry a woman who is pure whether he is sexually pure himself. But a woman? We get put on the “back burner?. “You are the nicest lady I’ve ever dated…first girl I ever introduced to Mom…nice Christian lady who can cook and has with sexy legs too..” Blah blah blah. The worst for me is seeing countless Christian ministers hold young married couples up as the shining example of fulfilling God’s will, when all of these women and men have had sex prior to marriage. How do I know? For years I was a coordinator at church and could act as a witness for the signing of our service book: All shared the same living address. In short, if you are a woman, remaining pure primarily deals with your close, personal relationship with God, and has nothing to do with waiting for marriage. If you make marriage the main purpose for remaining pure, you’ll probably be disappointed, as men today do not value virginity. As for men, women in this society value you whether or not you are a virgin: The choice is yours.